A Breath of Fresh Air

One of the major problems that I have witnessed in my time at high school is a grave one, and I believe that we must take action. The general lack of work exhibited by the freshmen is astounding and if we do not correct this problem, the freshmen might rebel against their masters. Not only do they have low IQ’s, but lately, all they do is play games on their new laptops. The teachers of our glorious institution have tried to correct this problem by assigning them “homework” and “projects” in an attempt to help these poor creatures learn. However, recently, the freshmen have stopped doing this work and have reverted to their natural habits of playing computer games, watching Youtube videos and making immature penis jokes. I believe that the source of the problem at my school is that all of the freshmen have laptops for some reason.

Some people may suggest that we simply prohibit the freshmen from bringing their laptops to school. However, I believe that we must take more drastic measures. We must purge this infection from our midst and train the freshmen to be a productive addition to our school. This is why I suggest that we use the class of 2011 as labor for the school.

We could greatly cut the costs of operating our school if we used the freshmen as workers instead of hiring actual people. The more intelligent freshmen could be used as ride technicians at our school fair, thus saving our school the trouble of paying an outside company. However, the majority of them could be used as construction workers. This is why I suggest a trial of my proposal by adding a new building to our school. If any of the freshmen lose their lives to the dangers of construction, their bodies could be ground up into fertilizer for the fields, thus contributing to our glorious school.

So I now urge you to do what is best for the freshmen and the prosperity of our school. However, this is not the only option. For more fresh ideas, read the proposals set forth by Eddings, a friend and colleague of mine, at http://porque-puedo.blogspot.com/. Even if you do not agree with my ideas, you must admit that we are going to have to do something with the freshmen. I mean, we would not want them to become sophomores, would we?